Evil Forces in the World

Reflections on ''Evil Forces in the World,'' as well as occasional remarks concerning ''Good Forces in the World.''

Saturday, March 09, 2002

As is my wont, I consulted a number of daily newspapers earlier today in order to identify forces of evil, the cause and crusade I've made my own. But the prevalence of evil, its inescapable stamp on the daily news, is enough to give me pause. Rather than confront human hatred in all of its ugly manifestations, I will instead take on a somewhat less truly evil evil, namely chiselers of various stripes.

About two hours ago, I purchased a meal from a local eatery, an eatery I've been known to frequent. I am not quite a "regular"; instead, I am a "regular" at another "hang-out" about a hundred yards south of the eatery in question. That said, it is my belief, based on the nature and content of interactions I've had with the wait staff, that I am recognized and not actively disliked by those in charge. Because I am undemanding and have never, as yet, brought along a gang of roustabouts or other young toughs to join me for a meal, this is, I think, to be expected. Even so, I discovered, to my chagrin, that I had been charged two dollars more than I should have. Mind you, this could very well have been an honest mistake, and I by no means wish to punish the owners of the restaurant (or eatery, if you prefer) by besmirching their good name on this web site; that said, it is suspicious. More importantly, it represents a far broader problem facing our country and the world, i.e., chiseling, which threatens to undermine the social trust that undergirds a market economy and a liberal, open, tolerant society. The chiseling must stop, and it must stop now.

Friday, March 08, 2002

Last night, I drowned my sorrows in a tall glass of pineapple juice. I came to work a bit late today and, upon arriving, saw that everyone was in a meeting concerning the future of our organization, which is in the universe of publishing. It was a bit embarrassing that I was late, but I just slinked to the back of the room.

After one of our visitors (the main attraction, you could say) introduced himself, he asked all of us in the room, employees all, to introduce ourselves. A line of people went first and then someone said, I believe, "How about the back?" The gentleman meant, I now realize, the back row, but not the back of the room. Just when I thought I'd have to introduce myself, in a crowded room, I said, instead of "Reihan Salam, intern," "I have an uncontrollable nosebleed," which I did. Blood poured out of my nose. Shortly afterwards, it was under control. Upon returning to the room, as the introductions drew to a close, I properly introduced myself. I was, predictably enough, mortified. Later in the day, a massive fire erupted.

Listen up, hoodlums: fire is a force of evil. Yes, it helps to control the growth of bothersome weeds and the like, and it also provides warmth, sterilizes water, and allows us to prepare venison steaks. But, like mercurial young ladies, fire kills.

Thursday, March 07, 2002

Dear Rich:

Lest you think a rock cannot be evil, think again.

Once again, the Internet provides us with conclusive proof.
I started wondering last night whether the truly first evil "person" in the world was either Beezlebub or Satan. One would assume that Satan was the very first, being the self professed "lord of evil," but actually, Beezlebub was older than Satan, and so while Satan was presumably much more evil than Beezlebub, the feeling is that technically Beezlebub was the very first entity to be considered "evil." Of course, before Satan and Beezlebub, there was only God and his angels, but I think it fair to assume that there was "stuff" ie material objects for them to fly through and sit on that were at least their contemporaries, if not their predecessors, and so this makes me wonder if rather an inanimate object was the first truly evil force in the universe. Can a rock be evil? I'm not sure. Can a pet rock, ie an inanimate object imbued with human characteristics, be considered "evil?" This question I am even less sure about. Suddenly, this makes me wonder what it would be like to have Satan as a friend. Would he be reliable? Would he be kind of catty and weird? Have you ever seen the movie with Elizabeth Hurley as the devil? It is very mediocre.

Wednesday, March 06, 2002

At first I thought the aggro, homophobic Theo from the Chicago season of 'The Real World' was aligned with the mighty Forces of Evil. But now it's clear that the even-more-homophobic Walla Walla girl Tonya is the true Evil One.
Hibernation is drawing to a close, as is the funk. Not that funk. Expect a furious lyrical assault on all things evil shortly.

Monday, March 04, 2002

Fatigue is a force of evil. It is effectively combatted by another giant evil. And this one, too. Is this an inversion of classic "two wrongs" morality? Or is it just that the forces of evil have got us so confused that we just don't know what's up? Something to ponder.