Your efforts to breach the walls of my facility will be met with irresistible force
I knock down homes
More powerful than Peter J Gomes
The Reverend
Head-severin'
Not netterin'
Nattering nabobs
Of negativism
They doubt me, but my symbolism
Gave you an embolism
You listenin'?
I think not, you've got cotton in your ears
Your fears
Are realized when I denigrate you in front of your peers
And colleagues
I'm 30,000 leagues beneath the sea
Hangin' out with squids and sea anemones
You ain't a friend to me
John Kemeny
Invented BASIC
But basically, I'm gonna slap your face, slick
Leave you like roadkill, licking on a saltlick
You want to assault this?
My fortress is impregnable
And second of all,
It's very spacious
As capacious as I am vivacious
And salacious,
which is to say very
So have a Merry
Christmas, you plus Elaine Scarry

A declaration, followed by a vigorous, yet restrained, defense of the French
With my bifocals
I see some slack-jawed yokels
Trying to hoax me like Sokal
Did, but I'm not a bumpkin or a local
My vocals
Are deep, like baritones and basses
My base is
In Guantanamo
Flow is dynamo
Even a rhino
Couldn't slow
My mo-
mentum
Eat some Entenman's
My only friends
Are potted
Plants, they are besotted
In the time that I've allotted
Because I've got rhymes gallot
Which I rock every shabat
And not
To toot my horn,
But even Lorenzo Lamas knows that I am hot
Not chilly
Don't be silly
Stop giggling like Jennifer or Meg Tilly
Or Ellen Barkin
You're barkin' up the wrong tree
See
Which brings me back to eyewear
I care
Though I've got a mean grill,
I've had my fill
Of hooliganism
The wider West has undergone a schism
That's deep
I reap benefits
Sell novelty gifts bashing the Frenchies
But most of those beret-wearing cats are real mensches
Serio?
I'm serious, it's not like they're Syria
"I hear ya,
But they're duplicitous bastards
They wear horizontal stripes, and they love to get plastered"
This is true, interlocutor
But their girls are a lot cuter
Than most Europeans, if only 'cause they dress well
And I don't believe that most of them do smell
Of musty attics
Thus terrorizing asthmatics
Keeping them from ever doing acrobatics
Bzzzzzzt
What's that?
It's static

What's that I smell
in the lobby?
Is it wasabi?
I heard you want to rob me
Don't you have a hobby?
Meow, like a kitten
I'm smitten
With hapa-dom
I eat pappadums
I eat a lot of 'em
With some plum
sauce
And moss
Covers my bottom
"I heard you've got many robots in your house,"
I've got 'em
Cooped up and souped up
Customized
And super-sized

Don't hate, collaborate
Are you a Nakamura,
or a Sakamura?
I say a sura
And dance the hora
My angora sweater
Is better than your letter jacket
And can you hack it?
Make music, not a racket?
I doubt it
I gave you advice, but then you flout it
Disappointed, you went and sulked and pouted
But how about it?
Let's work in tandem, not at random
Soon we'll be remembered in the annals of fandom

Doing good by doing bad
With my protoplasm
Leap across many a chasm
I dazzle and razzle 'em
Move swift like a phantasm
Half-man, you can't even begin to fathom
The depths to which I sink:
I will stink up your area
I will have kittens poop in your solarium
And bury them,
By which I mean the aromatic kitten pellets
And when you have to sell your house, you'll find you can't sell it
Your assets will depreciate
Then you might appreciate
The essential importance of human kindness
The milk of which is crucial, we all have to find this
Within our hearts, and make it proliferate
But not like Saddam,
Who may soon meet a grisly fate
As well-trained coalition forces liberate
From Kuwait
Where my heart is,
It's not in my breastplate
Really

Ambivalent opposition to segregation in a foul and mean-spirited mood
If you think that I'm
A dangerous hooligan
I'd strongly urge you
To go back to school again
'Cause it's not true
Take two,
I am a law-abiding fellow
Never been known
To steal other people's cellos
To talk loudly on a cell-o
Or wrap myself in cellophane
Or cause tremendous pain
Never discriminate, even if you are a Dane
I deign to
Not slap you
You Nordic fool
One day, we Nubians will finally rule
But we won't oppress you, or even segregate our pool
Even though you're pasty
We won't be hasty
In making judgments based on arbitrary physical attributes
That said, we will make everyone watch the miniseries called "Roots"
Using a mix of peer pressure and tax credits
Those aren't voices in my head, it's
Just that I've had a long day, okay?
And like Gumby had Pokey,
You have burning questions,
Like, "What the hell are you smokin', Smokey?
You're not Nubian, you're Dravidian!"
And I say, "Well, that just depends on your idiom"
Idiot.